Getting my act together, one step at a time.

In august last year I hit twenty eight and suddenly realized I was getting pretty close to the dreaded thirty. I had to take a long look at myself, the choices I had made and the results they had spawned. I was not entirely pleased, and this article is going to outline why that is and what I have done so far to rectify these issues. And let me tell you, there have been changes, and they have not been easy to accomplish. Get ready for an impressive insight into my mind, and what drives me. And be cool about it. In this exercise we will use what I call “Kris’ internal happiness meter” which is just a ten point scale, where ten represents a person at their most unhappy state and 1 is at their happiest. It’s to understand and follow, don’t worry, you’ll be alright! But first I had to define myself and what needed to be changed.

Fat, single, indebted and unhappy.

As I did my revision of my life, I found that I had three major issues about myself, and they were really weighing me down. These were the immediate things I had to address, if I would have any chance of changing for the better. We start at the most obvious one: my health. Anyone who knows me is aware of this and even more so if you have known me for the past seven to eight years. I was severely overweight and I smoked and drank a lot. At my peak I was smoking a pack a day and my weight was around 135 kg. To top it off I pretty much drank every weekend at least once, and if you add those things together, it spells a severely unhealthy lifestyle. Something really had to be done, as I was starting to feel really old in my body, but my mind was still crisp. At one point I was starting to get worried as I would get exhausted from a walk to get groceries and back. Not good.

I was also indebted, which meant I could not go out and buy the right food or had the mental energy to think healthy and be smart about my economy. I was really poor from my early twenties to mid twenties, and not having any money can really destroy ones self-worth, and without that it’s really hard to change yourself for the better. At least that is what I thought at the time. In addition to that, I was stupid enough to blow what extra money I had on cigarettes and alcohol. Now the problem wasn’t that I had these bills, it was that I procrastinated and simply ignored most of them, so they started piling up. It was dumb and I paid for it big time in the long run.

Being single was an issue as well at the time, because I felt, that if I would get rejected it was because they were shallow and unable to ignore my flaws. It’s frustrating, when you can’t see your own faults as being detrimental to your sex appeal, but instead choose to project your own excuses on to the people, that you really care about. It’s silly, but I really thought, that if I just had someone in my life who could love me unconditionally, then my health, debt and other issues would somehow magically disappear. It was a weird time for me.

If you add these three issues together you get a really screwed up individual. I can’t say if it was obvious to my friends and family, but I was really unhappy for some years in my twenties, and it’s my own fault for not having the guts to talk to them about it, but I have always been a very secretive and closed in individual, so I wouldn’t be surprised if no one noticed. I hid behind the mask of the jolly fat man well.

Kris’ internal happiness meter: 10

Like this guy, just remove the presents and Mrs. Clause

One strange night in August 2011

A day or so after my 28^th birthday I sat down and told myself: “Screw this, I need to change”.  So I started looking at my flaws and how best to address them in a way I knew, that I could handle. As I started to get the ball rolling I found, that it was much simpler (on paper) than I had previously feared. What follows here are the steps I took, to alleviate my situation.

1: Pay off your debt son!

The most pressing matter was my debt, which I had started to chip away at some months before my birthday, and I decided to just pay them all off one after the other in the full amount, so the bills would disappear. This could not be done though, as my debt was much larger than I realistically could spare from my budget, so another approach was needed. I had always been afraid to contact the collection agencies, but I started to call them up and explain my situation, and they were really gracious about it and most importantly; understanding. I took most of the bills and started to pay small amounts to each collector each month and gradually removed the bills one after the other. In addition I started making shopping lists and actually keeping a budget over my expenses, so I wouldn’t get totally surprised at the end of the month anymore. For many of you who reads this, this will be the moment where you roll your eyes, but to me it was really a revelation, and an absolute joy to see those bills gradually disappear. I still have a couple of old bills lift, but I have gone from a truly staggering debt to just having my SU loan and another bill left. It’s really amazing how good that feels, and that you do not have to worry about constant debt collectors calling you up, which can really wreck your day.

Kris’ internal happiness meter:  7

Money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure does make the world go around.

Trim that fat, boy!

Next job on the list would be my physical health. I took a look at some diets and talked to friends and people who were really into this stuff, as I knew NOTHING about healthy food and living like a healthy person. I soon realized, that most of the advice I was given were really great for people, who wanted to lose a lot of weight over a short period, but I wasn’t interested in a diet per se, but a gradual shift of my general lifestyle. So I started looking at, what I needed to absolutely cut and add to and from my diet and habits. First of all I needed to exercise daily. Before this, I exercised zero times a week and did not care about what I ate. So I started playing volleyball, which did not satisfy my needs, but then I found badminton, which is awesome and I play that three times a week now. A wrote a plea to my friends on Facebook, and a wonderful girl really kicked me in the butt, and got me exercising and it has done wonders for my confidence and my fitness. Thank you for that.

Now that the sports and fitness part was covered, I needed to look at my other habits. Smoking had been eliminated a year prior, so that was not an issue anymore. But the real problem here was the sweets, the drinking and the fastfood. Oh dear. I must be honest here. They haven’t gone from my diet a 100%, but I really really rarely eat them, so that’s huge, going from many times a week to, once or twice a month. I cut pasta, rice, potatoes, fat meat and heavy dairy products like cheese and cream. It works really well and I can feel that my body is healthy today, probably healthier than it has been in eight or nine years. The drinking part has been reduced to about half. I drink a couple times a month now, but I decided, that I should still be allowed some fun, and I am trying hard not to drink as much as I used to. And I feel confident that I will reduce it even more.

And what has this vigorous training, dieting and partying less resulted in? Well I went from around 135 kg to 113-114 kg in a year and I feel really healthy and fit. And most importantly I can feel confident and happy about myself again. Which is huge.

Kris’ internal happiness meter: 3

Not really. But you get the idea!

Get some lovin’, champ!

Being single was a disaster! At least that was what I thought. Any woman who smiled or winked at me was basically saying: “Fist me!”. Looking back I feel silly, because I was a bit desperate, but that was only because I tied my self-worth and ability to change to some mythical woman who would somehow fix it all. That’s not how the world works, because you’re responsible for yourself and if you can’t be bothered to make an effort, why should a woman be bothered to look at you, and see anything but a failure? I resented women for doing that, but was too stupid to see, that I was the one who was messed up. I am still single, but I really don’t mind now, because I am confident in my ability to fix myself and that confidence will surely attract the attention of someone someday, but as I said, I am not in a hurry. I come first, and I still need to lose more weight and add some stability to my life. That being said, I would still love to have someone in my life, who I could share this wonderful change with. It will come though, of that, I have zero doubts. Confidence is a wonderful thing isn’t it?

Kris’ internal happiness meter: 2

See? Room for one more.

Less fat, less poor, still single, but quite happy.

This article is a culmination of over twelve months of work. It felt really good to write this piece, as it brims with success and I could really not stop writing once I sat down to do this. It’s really hard to describe how great it feels to actually have changed in this way. I waited too long for this, but I was afraid to fail, which can be a crippling emotion. But now I don’t fear failure. I just respect it. This article is not just for me though, but for all the people who has supported me the last year in my quest to being a better and healthier person. You all know who you are, so I won’t drop any names. I do look forward to seeing you in November though. Thank you for a wonderful year everybody. Now if you’ll excuse me, I am off to exercise with a lovely lady.

See you next time, and sorry for the lack of updates, it's been a busy summer!